Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
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He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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