Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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