The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
