I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
