I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
