So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We have so much sex to catch up on
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
