i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
