The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
