Do you still have your period?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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