This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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