This girl is more easily done than said...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
