i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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