That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
