i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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