The maid of honor just puked.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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