I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
