He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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