id be glad to
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
