I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
