Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
