She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
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You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
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Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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