Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
we should paint friendship bongs
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