i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
