She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
