Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Actions speak louder than pants.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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