I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
