I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I didn't notice because vodka
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
