She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
