I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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