White coat. Heels.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
