There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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