I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Sober January is a disaster.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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