piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
