I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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