its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
