i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
