when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
