I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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