Sry I called you an 8
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
