i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
