it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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