Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Randomize
