wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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