Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
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He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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