i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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