nutella sex= disaster
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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