I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
