and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize