just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
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His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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