why didn't you poke me back
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
