I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
