my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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