somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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