Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
