She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
