I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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