he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
