nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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