i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
