i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
