but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
