who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
