I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
