Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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